MIKE

 Was allegedly orphaned at birth and raised by a pack of platypuses. Upon reaching the age of 6 he was forced out due to lack of venomous spurs. From that point on he somehow ended up wandering the Sahara Desert for what he claims was 40 years, before stumbling upon a computer somewhere in NY where he decided to join some dude named Mateo on The What Cast. In reality he's probably perfectly normal, and a tad on the boring side.

MATEO

Was classically trained at Juilliard as a young lad. Afterward, he decided the life of a dancer was not for him. He ended up graduating from Harvard with a Doctorate in Quantum Physics at the tender age of 16.  When he was 18 he discovered a new Start System housing an Earthlike planet he came to refer to as Eloise.  At 19, Mateo went on a bender, promptly forgot about Eloise, and most of what he learned in the fields of Quantum Physics. Lost, and confused, he battled hordes of goblins, and then slept for a while. Then he woke up...